Libre Magazine

Here are some memorable dialogues from the memorable series “FRIENDS” 

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[Joey comes out from his room wearing ridiculous clothes. He has to look nineteen for an audition]
Joey: ‘Sup? ‘Sup, dude?
Chandler: [putting his hands up] Take whatever you want, just please don’t hurt me.
Joey: So, you’re playing a little Playstation, huh? That’s whack. Playstation is whack. ‘Sup with the whack Playstation, ’sup? Huh? Come on, am I nineteen or what?
Chandler: Yes, on a scale from one to ten, ten being the dumbest a person can look, you are definitely nineteen.

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[after Monica gets a disastrous haircut]
Ross: How’s Monica?
Phoebe: She’s calmed down a bit. I put a clip on one side, which seems to have stopped the curling.
Ross: How’s the hair?
Phoebe: I’m not gonna lie to you Ross. It doesn’t look good.
Joey: Can we see her?
Phoebe: No, your hair looks too good. I think it would only upset her.
Rachel: Oh.
Phoebe: Ross, you can go on in.

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Ross: Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-alike contest and *won*!
Chandler: Ross came fourth and cried!

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Monica: Guys can fake it? Unbelievable! The one thing that’s ours!

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Ross: We were on a break!
Chandler: Oh, my God! If you say that one more time, I’m going to break up with you!

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Ross: What are you doing tonight?
Chandler: Why, do you have a lecture?
Ross: No.
Chandler: Free as a bird, what’s up?

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Chandler: I can handle this. “Handle” is my middle name. Actually, “handle” is the middle of my first name.

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Monica: You can’t fire me. I make your decisions and I say, “I’m not fired.” Ha.

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Monica: My motto is get out before they go down.
Joey: That is so not my motto.

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Chandler: [to Joey who’s removing his tie] Would you put that back on? Monica’s gonna be here any minute.
Joey: But it hurts my Joey’s Apple.
Chandler: [frustrated] Okay, for the last time. It’s not named for each individual man.

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[after catching Ross kissing Chandler’s mother in front of the male bathroom]
Joey: I’ll just go pee in the street.

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Phoebe: No, huh uh, no way, I’m sorry, not gonna happen.
Chandler: Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback.

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Rachel: Hey, you guys wanna go see a movie?
Ross: Yeah, sure.
Rachel: How about you, Phoebe?
Phoebe: No, thanks, I’ve already seen one.

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[Joey has packed an emergency kit with food, Mad-Libs and condoms]
Chandler: Condoms?
Joey: We don’t know how long we’re gonna be stuck here. We might have to repopulate the world.
Chandler: And condoms are the way to do that?

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Monica: Whoa. Where you going in those pants? 1982?

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[In response to one of Joey’s stupid comments]
Chandler: How do you not fall down more often?

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Joey: Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man. Just stop calling.

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Joey: Hey Ross. If homo sapiens were in fact “homo sapiens”, could that be why they’re extinct?
Ross: Joey, homo sapiens are people.
Joey: Hey! I’m not judging here.

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Ross: Wanna hear something weird?
Phoebe: Always.

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[Rachel complaining about her father]
Rachel: Oh, it was horrible. He called me “young lady”.
Chandler: Ugh, I hate when my father calls me that.

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Joey: Pheebs, you wanna help?
Phoebe: Oh, I wish I could, but I really don’t want to.

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Ross: You know what? I’d better pass on the game. I’m just gonna go home and think about my ex-wife and her lesbian lover.
Joey: The hell with hockey. Let’s all do that.

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Rachel: Oh my God. I’ve become my father. I’ve been trying so hard not to become my mother, I didn’t see this coming.

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Rachel: See? Unisex.
Joey: Maybe *you* need sex. I just had it a few days ago.
Rachel: No, Joey, U-N-I-sex.
Joey: I wouldn’t say no to that.

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Ross: I’m sorry your husband cheated on you.
Rachel: I’m sorry your wife is gay.

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Rachel: [walking out of the bathroom] Mon, I’m gonna check my messages.
Chandler: And you thought of that in there?
Monica: Well, nature called and she wanted to see who else did.

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Joey: Rach, you gotta find out if he’s in the same place you are. Otherwise, it’s just a moo point.
Rachel: A moo point?
Joey: Yeah. It’s like a cow’s opinion. It just doesn’t matter. It’s moo.
Rachel: Have I been living with him too long or did that all just make sense?

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Rachel: Are you sure that on some level you don’t want to take off my bra?
Joey: I don’t have another level!

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Joey: But I-I-I can’t stay too long, I gotta get up early for a commercial audition tomorrow and I gotta look good. I’m supposed to be playing a 19-year-old.
[Everyone stops in their tracks upon hearing this]
Chandler: So when you said, “Get up early, ” did you mean 1986?

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Joey: [drinking a beer on the boat] Look at this clown. Just because he’s got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river.
[yelling]
Joey: Get out of the way jackass.
[to Rachel]
Joey: Who names his boat Coast Guard anyway?
Rachel: That is the Coast Guard.

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Phoebe: Hey, can we turn on the TV? I think it’s raining outside.

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Phoebe: Come on Ross, you’re a paleontologist, dig a little deeper.

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Monica: You broke a little girl’s leg?
Ross: I know. I feel horrible. Okay.
Chandler: [reading the paper] Says here that a Muppet got whacked on Sesame Street last night.
[to Ross]
Chandler: Where exactly were you around ten-ish?

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Chandler: I am an excellent secret keeper. I have kept all of out secrets.
Joey: What secrets?
Chandler: Oh no-no, Joey, I am not going to tell you because I am an excellent secret keeper.
[the girls walk away]
Joey: You’ll tell me later?
Chandler: You already know.

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Rachel: How long do you think, should a girl wait if a guy just broke up with his girlfriend?
Phoebe: A month.
Monica: Really? I’d say two or three.
Joey: Half hour.
Rachel: Interesting.

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[Rachel doesn’t take his advice]
Joey: Fine. No one ever listens to me. If the package is this pretty, no one cares what’s inside.

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[after hearing about Chandlers breakup with Janice]
Phoebe: Where’s Chandler?
Joey: He’s grieving.
[We see Chandler running outside]
Chandler: I’M FREE. I AM FREE.

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Monica: I think I’d be great in a war. I’d, like, get all the medals.
Chandler: Before or after you’re executed by your own troops?

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[On living alone]
Joey: I thought it’d be great, you know? have some time alone with my thoughts… turns out, I don’t have as many thoughts as you’d think.

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Phoebe: Look, I had a hard life. My mother was killed by a drug dealer.
Monica: Phoebe, your mom killed herself.
Phoebe: She was a drug dealer.

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Chandler: I’m not so good with the advice… Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

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Rachel: I don’t want my baby’s first words to be “How You Doing”

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[Joey and Chandler are trying to break into a closet]
Joey: Do you have a bobby pin?
Chandler: Wait.
[runs hands through hair]
Chandler: Oh, that’s right. I’m NOT an eight year-old girl.
Joey: Really? Then why do you throw like one?

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Rachel: I’m not someone who goes after a guy five minutes after he’s divorced.
Monica: No, you go after them five minutes before they get married…

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[Chandler and Joey are being lazy in new recliners, and Chandler ordered pizza to be delivered to Monica’s]
Chandler: Pizza’s on the way. I told you we wouldn’t have to get up.
Joey: What if we have to pee?
[pause]
Chandler: I’ll cancel the sodas…

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Joey: There’s no juice for the people who need the juice and want the juice and I need the juice.

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Rachel: I’ve never been to an analyst!
Phoebe: And it shows.

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Joey: Ross, have you ever been beaten up before?
Ross: Yeah, sure.
Joey: By someone besides Monica?

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Rachel: Ok, Joey, we’ll do it one more time. Don’t forget the rules -heads I win, tails you lose.
Joey: Just flip the coin!

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Phoebe: [Pulls out Monica’s old bathing suit] Hey Monica what’s this?
Monica: Oh, that’s my old bathing suit from high school… I was bigger then…
Chandler: Really… I thought that’s what they used to cover Connecticutt when it rained…

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Chandler: And by the way, Count Rushmore doesn’t exist.
Joey: Oh yeah? Then who’s the guy who painted all the faces on the mountain?

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Janice: It’s a small world after all.
Chandler: Yeah. And I still don’t get bumped into Beyonce!

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[Monica tells the others that she and Chandler won’t have any more sex before the wedding]
Ross: A no sex pact! I have one of those with every woman in America!

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Monica: I’ll never have a first kiss again.
Phoebe: You’ll have a last kiss.

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Joey: How come we don’t have jam at our place?
Chandler: Because the kids need shoes.

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Ross: You guys won’t believe what I have to do for work today!
Chandler: Yes, but Ross you chose a career of talking about dinosaurs.

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Ross: I think it’ll be a boy.
Phoebe: I think it’ll be a girl.
Ross: Phoebe, you thought Ben would be a girl.
Phoebe: Have you seen him throw a ball?

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Ross: The door’s closed! I can’t see anything with the door closed!
Chandler: And the inventor of the door rests happily in his grave.

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[repeated line]
Joey Tribbiani: How you doin’?