Libre Magazine

It’s there… it’s there somewhere and she knows it. It is in the way they wait for rain so they can catch a glimpse of the rainbow afterwards. She believes it is there. That is what keeps her going. When she puts the radio on, hums along and she falls back on the melody and swims. She swims for as long as she can till she feels like she’s the only one in that ocean of symphony. She surrenders her soul to divinity every morning and feels strong about it every time she hears the birds chirping. She loves, she loves with all her heart and she means it every time she says it. She puts everything on the line for one smile, one loving look, for a moment of feeling special. You do it once and she will do it again. She will be the last one to do it.

She has much more inside than you can ever imagine. She carries a baggage of painful secrets behind those beautiful, button-eyes. She waits for you to say something after she pours her heart out to you without saying a word, but you turn your back towards her and sleep. She knows you never hear her. If only you look long enough, you will see a glimpse of that baggage but don’t you have that game - played by men who go back to those beautiful eyes after pilfering you from yours - on tonight which signifies nothing? Mind you, this insignificant game will still go on. It will still go on when you are on your death bed, looking into those beautiful eyes, showing more than just a glimpse of that baggage, while you will silently wish you had noticed them sooner, swam in them earlier when they weren’t this deep, when they were still inviting you in.

Oh, little one, she sees the world in you. She fed you without knowing you. She gave you home beneath her skin. When you were ready she let you out and revealed you to the world but from her soul… never. She has passed all her unfulfilled dreams on to you. Those dreams are the ones she gave up for the sake of yours. So, won’t you give her that loving look after you come home a learned man? Won’t you just come back and smile at her as she anxiously waits for you to return to your well-protected shell she has built but you just swing away in artificial jubilation which signifies nothing? She will be there when you hold the hand of your perceived replica of her, praying for you with every lonely breath she breathes. She will watch you take all the steps you think will make you reach your happiness. But won’t you even ask her to disappear along with you when you do?

Oh, but she’s a believer. She believes it’s there. It is somewhere. In the morning, she still surrenders her soul to divinity. But now she holds her breath till the birds chirp. She keeps her eyes on the empty road. She wishes, she waits, she hopes… She moves her lips in a way that makes you believe she’s happy. She has watched all of you for far too long to know what will make you believe. She still hums but a different tune today. It is difficult for her to keep her eyes open, for they are too heavy now. She wants to come clean, she wants you to take a moment out of the life she gave up hers for and just dive into her button-eyes, or just say that you want to, and she wants you to listen today. She always hears your cries and responds. Today, she wants to vomit all the secrets, the words, the tears, the suppressed emotions, all of it, out. Just ask her to. Why didn’t any of you ever ask her to? But she won’t. She can’t.

She’s a woman. She has to endure all… in silence.