Libre Magazine

She wrote the last sentence of her letter and looked at her neat handwriting on the white sheet. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and set the paper free out of her hands and watched its flying like a white delicate butterfly. She knew it would never reach him. At that moment she pitied herself yet still kept following the paper in the air!

It was 9 pm; the sun had already set and the moon was ready to take shelter under the stars. He had just left the office and was walking towards his car. The dancing trees were conveying that it would be a windy night. He was about to unlock his car when he realized a piece of paper flying in the air towards him. It whirled for a while thinking where to stop its journey. Getting slower by every second, it fell just in front of his feet. He stared at the paper, thought for a second to take it or not; then took the paper. The moonlight being there, he tried to see what it was. The handwriting was enough to make him dizzy, he immediately came to know it was her and he continued reading the rest with a heavier pain in heart aching more on each word:

“Dear You,

Although I did not mention any name, I bet as soon as you touch this piece of paper, you will come to know that this special letter has just been written for you and I bet you won’t be surprised as you have been used to my such letters all throughout the period we used to be together. Letters which were full of cries, full of begging, declaring how much I love you…Letters showing how much I need you, miss you, how much I long for you…Letters asking about solutions, resolutions, a way-out assuming you had the same feelings…And I bet before starting to read this one, you will have an anxious smile on your face not being able to decide whether you need to be sad or happy over these emotions which are also indecisive whether to reflect a smile or a cry changing mood on each word on every new page.

You are already fed up with all these unnecessarily said words, aren’t you? I always tried to render myself through words but these words have been inescapably incapable of capturing you, they have been far away from gripping your heart. Now you must be asking “if you are aware of this fact, why are you still writing?” To be honest even I don’t know the answer. I don’t write for a try or re-try, I don’t write with any kind of expectation, I don’t write to feel you between lines as I used to, I don’t write to cheer up remembering the past either.
Simply I write for nothing. May be it has been my habit making me feel alive, time to time reminding me that I still survive after you.

Frankly speaking, during the period I was away from you, I felt like a wreckage of a tired body, like a wounded soul in an unexpected crash. Now I consider myself as a mental patient who has just recovered from her illness.

If you are already bored, stop reading at this point because the rest will smell more past. It is my duty to warn you as you don’t need to endure all this as an outsider to my heart.

You know what, I wish I could convert this imaginary letter into a real one but unfortunately I even don’t know where you are living exactly and the chances that a mail-bird finding your way is quite less. That reveals a fact at this step, which is in fact I am writing this letter to myself!

When I look back (which I should not do according to you), I realize one thing—I did not ask for the permission to enter your life out of blue, in an unexpected way, and similarly you did not ask me either while leaving my life. So I guess we are equal now…

You know that the way we contacted each other or connected to one another was quite limited. But I suppose I always found a way to create a huge world for myself from even a word written or said by you, like whenever I heard your voice, I asked myself “What do I hear in his voice?” The reply was always the same: “The rest of my life!” However, a life with you is deemed to be a dream forever; a dream to be had but not to be turned into real.

Last night I was reading a book, suddenly a small piece of paper fell out of it. It was a note written by you three years ago and it was saying:
“Close your eyes,
Take a deep breath,
Hold your breath as long as you can,
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Now take a breath,
I missed you as much as you missed the air.”

Naturally I couldn’t stop a drop of tear although I know how much angry you feel when I cry. Past keeps whispering to me such small anecdotes day and night letting me live every moment with you again and again no matter good or bad! What about present? Well, my present means only long waits…waiting for a sign proving that you were REAL, that what I had with you was truly SINCERE…

Your picture is in front of me right now, you are looking at me with your olive-like eyes. Your smile is embracing me; you are so close to me and far away at the same time, sometimes I feel as I can reach you by only one step, at other times you are oceans away! There is still so much to say that I would like to but no point…let them be entrapped in me.

Now before ending this letter I am putting a faded smile on my face hiding all the evidence of this love which is still at the level of madness. I always knew I had to be patient on the way I chose to walk!

Dear you, this is the end, may be my last paragraph in your life but not the last sentence. As I am so sure that you won’t read this letter, I can clearly, madly, enthusiastically scream or cry my last sentence without being shy or feeling embarrassed:

‚Tum bhi mujhse pyaar kar lo1’Yours forever…”

It was 9 pm when she was lost in dreams in front of the window. Suddenly she felt a relief inside as if her letter so that her words had reached him and tugged his heartstrings at last. She said to herself “it is too LATE now!” She had already swallowed the handful of pills…

After finishing the letter he felt as if his soul was taken away from his body. He thought he was totally misunderstood by her all throughout. He regretted as he had never disclosed his heart, never tried to explain anything, stayed as dull and silent as a wall…He decided to take a step to make himself clear to her so he would call her tomorrow as it was too LATE now!

1 “Please you too love me.”

Author’s Note: The characters, events, and the emotions within this letter are totally imaginary; any similarity, connection, reminiscence or resemblance is completely accidental or coincidental…