Libre Magazine

The door opened up to her with an eerie cracking sound. She jerked and halted for a second. A withered and discolored curtain hung on one side of the entrance. The darkness around her echoed a touch of gloom and a sense of suffocation which she thought would choke her. Still she clutched on to the sides of her kameez with her white frozen fingertips and took another step ahead.

It was chilling outside and the temperature had dipped considerably in the past few days. She wrapped the shawl around her fragile body and in the process hit a primitive lantern placed on a table, the only piece of furniture in that isolated room. A year had passed since she had last entered this room.

By the side of the table, in one corner of the chamber she noticed a scurrying movement. A group of rats had comfortably positioned themselves and were feasting voraciously on the torn remnants of a huge pile of heavy manuscripts. Her eyeballs flickered for a moment and she closed her eyes tightening both her lips pressed against each other as if reciting a prayer. The grey rats quivered from one corner to another and were rightfully disturbed by this sudden intrusion in their private world. She made her away through some broken frames, few albums treasuring memories of yesteryear, old pieces of frayed clothes, a few leather bags, belts and wallets, some old unused utensils, an ancient jewellery box and then spotted a shining metal piece.

The medal had been peeking from behind a heap of old cardboard boxes since long. She picked it up, her fingers shivering frantically. A coating of dust and dirt had accumulated over it which she wiped off carefully. Her nimble fingers rubbed against the smooth surface of the medal while she felt its undulations in places.

She deliberately tried to push herself further inside the room but the partial darkness obstructed her vision. But she knew that somehow she had to reach the window. She did after a while.

Her fingers clasped the window panes as she glanced outside. The medal shone as a jot of lightning sparked in the night sky. She looked above and through the frosty glass window sills, she noticed the dark crimson aura of the sky, magnificently red and lifeless. The regular dwellers of the night sky, the twinkling stars that shone down the Milky Way seemed to have disappeared suddenly, as if imprisoned by the roaring thunder and the overpowering lightning. The moon was equally conspicuous by its absence that night. The raindrops poured down heavily and she listened with bated breath to the synchronic sound of raindrops beating rhythmically on the roof. Then she saw him.

The figure emerged suddenly as it did in all previous occasions. He was dressed in his uniform. The well-ironed attire was suitably complemented by his good looks and the plethora of medals in gold and silver that adorned his shoulders and chest shone brightly as lightning flashes flared on him. He was the solitary figure standing on the edge of the garden fence. Her eyes desperately tried to scrutinize him as she always did. Anxiously, she brushed her palms against the misty glass window so that it enabled her better visibility. Her eyelids, she realized, were gradually turning heavy.

It had been raining that afternoon, about a decade back. Not a heavy downpour but a light drizzle. He was pacing up and down the narrow lane when she set her eyes on him for the last time. Her impending presence always alerted him from a distance and he looked up and smiled. It was a deliberate smile. The smile that preceded separation. The smile that displayed all shades of emotion but at the same time seemed too numbed to demonstrate it. The smile that assured that he would never leave her side but also reassured that, may be, he would never come back.

She cried. Silently.

He had looked into her eyes and stared motionless for several moments. Not a word was spoken, not a movement made. She was too afraid to descend deeper into his eyes for she knew she would grow weak. But still, since the moment their eyes met, her eyes remained focused on his. After a while, he had withdrawn his eyes from hers and closed them. She felt the pain, his pain. She wanted to cry. Her tears however pricked every part of her being like a needle but refused to flow. She turned away. The sprinkling raindrops created ripples as they were embraced by the water that had accumulated within the potholes distributed evenly all over the stony path. He placed his hands on hers. She still looked away. He whispered.

“I think…I should be getting back. We are to leave at 1800 hours.”

He ascended. She felt a severe pain within her being though she was not sure of its origin. Suddenly she felt very weak. She wanted to scream. She tried to weep. But her efforts failed. He had to go. She looked up and uttered feebly.

“Yes. You must.”

For several seconds a pregnant silence floated between them.

He turned around to leave.

“I will wait…for you…I will…I…”

Her voice was drowned by the sudden outburst of tears.

He looked at her. She thought she noticed a degree of moistness in his eyes. He raised his hands, in an attempt to wipe of the tears from her face. She wept inconsolably, desperately hoping to seek refuge within his arms. But he stopped himself. He looked at her and closed his eyes as if imprinting her entire being within himself.

Then he left. Forever. Never to return.

It all appeared before her eyes. Tears flowed unobstructed, unhindered and free. It seemed to flow with the same velocity as the incessant raindrops outside. She released the medal from within her folded fingers.

A few hours passed. The rain had almost ceased and there was an uncanny calmness that hovered outside. The figure had disappeared. The sky was devoid of any trace of life still.

The mourning strains of the violin suddenly reached her ears.

“Irfan!” She exclaimed.

The music ceased and a voice called out to her from a distance.

“Ammi….. I can’t see you! Where are you? Ammi…”

Irfan ventured through the partially opened door. She turned away from the window and came closer to him and knelt down. Her delicate hands rubbed against his rosy cheeks and she planted a kiss.

“What are you doing here baby? You know this place is so unclean and infested with insects. Haven’t I told you so many times…anyways, from next time, you have to be a good and obedient boy…hmm?” she flashed a somber smile.

Irfan rubbed his tiny fingers against his eyes and flashed his eyelashes.

“Ammi…I learnt a new tune…I want you to listen to it ….come with me now, please.”

She stared at his handsome face. Irfan had inherited the appearance and sensibility of his father. At this tender age, he was her guardian, her protector. No one cared for her the way he did and for her, Irfan was more of an angelic figure, a gift from the almighty.

“Okay agreed. Let’s go.”

She rose from the ground and he took her hands within his. As they reached the door, Irfan rolled his eyes and turned towards her and asked “Ammi, you met Abba? I wanted to make a nice card for him. But I dozed off.” He curled his lips in an upside down position. Then he paused and said. “Will do it next time…hmm? Would he be angry, Ammi?”
She didn’t want to glance at his innocent curious eyes. His naïve query numbed her for an instant. For a moment she fought the tears within herself.

“No Irfan. Abba won’t be angry. He loves you a lot, baby. He loves you a…”her voice trailed off but she recollected her composure immediately. “He won’t be angry son…I assure you…trust me…now won’t you play the tune you have learnt??”

“Yes Ammi…I will” Irfan’s lips arched to form a gracious smile that filled her heart. He opened up his arms for a warm embrace. She took him into her arms and closed the door behind.

It was almost morning. The blue firmament of the morning sky glimpsed above replacing the dark coverings of the night before. The sun was soon to appear and the gloom of the preceding night had slowly descended in oblivion. What prevailed was a sense of tranquility, a touch of hope. She gazed at Irfan. His face displayed peace. As his scarlet lips broke into a smile, the diverse colors of life exhibited themselves against his fair skin. She remembered him, his solitary figure against the fences.

“He never left us. He is here. Right here within my arms” she thought and poked Irfan’s cheeks. His eyes furrowed and the next instant he laughed out heartily. Then he hid his face within her. She smiled. The smile of contentment and freedom. The smile that reinforced her choice to commence life afresh. Daylight was pouring in. It was time to make a new beginning…